The Deadpan Blogger

deadpan
This week’s post was a challenge.  No topics panned out, my enthusiasm waned, and time ticked on.  I tried contemplating, meditating, staring out the window, but all efforts to jump-start my creative juices failed.  With no positive alternatives in sight, I forced myself down at the keyboard and began arbitrarily typing, hoping to dissolve my mental funk in a flurry of keystrokes.

With each nonsensical sentence; bland, neutral, expressionless tripe.

I pondered the alternatives.

Maybe no post this week?

We all deserve a holiday.  After all, I was simultaneously working on a guest post for another site, and that counts towards my weekly output.  Doesn’t it?

Not really.

And then it hit.

Deadpan.

A term I’ve always related with.  The act of showing no feeling or emotion. A humorless delivery without expression.  It fit my funk.

The term dates back to the 1920’s, the word ‘pan’ slang for ‘face’, and the word ‘dead’ a derivative of ‘not alive’ (ha ha).  Primarily used in comedic delivery, deadpan humor took off in the 90’s with comedian Steven Wright.  For anyone not familiar with him, Wright is a talented American comic, writer, actor, film producer, famous for his observational humor and of course, his deadpan delivery.  Many say he defined the style with his outrageous hair, monotone voice and his oddball observations.  Google the word ‘deadpan’ and he’ll be in there somewhere.

I’m no Steven Wright, but I did read that the deadpan comedy style was common among shy or socially indifferent people.

That fits.  While I’m not socially indifferent, I am an introvert, with a mild case of ‘selective’ social anxiety disorder, so I fit the moniker.  I just have to work on the comedy bit.

Perhaps my mental funk was a sign, an awakening, or a glimpse at my destiny.  I can see my tagline now; ‘The Deadpan Blogger; posting articles devoid of expression and emotion since 2016’.

My stats will skyrocket.

But who am I kidding?  I’m just not that funny.

Perhaps I’ll leave deadpan to the professionals.

To spare you any further expressionless drabble, I’ll keep my post short, and leave you with a smile.  Below are a handful of my favorite Steven Wright quotes.  The first six are dedicated to the writers in the crowd.  The rest are for the normal folk.  Enjoy.
1

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

 What’s another word for thesaurus?

Why isn’t the word ‘phonetically’ spelled with an ‘f’?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Is ‘tired old cliché’ one?

Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ”s’ in it?

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

 Until next time,

26 thoughts on “The Deadpan Blogger

  1. I feel the pain Mike, I typed up my blog draft this am…and as you know we are in a heat wave .. so I spent the rest of the day in the pool 🙂 Now to see if my brain is not fried and I can make my blog eligible! I have no real topic either. Thanks for the Laughs I love Steven Wright.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. total like…and a lesson for me about blogging…we can write about anything if we have the idea and if we can write…loved the topic you picked out…the very word itself made me laugh…to add to it…Can never be deadpan…A total giveaway of expressions / body language…And i could have stopped the entire story on the comment by saying Nice…but well precise is not my strong point..neither is the good grammar as the comment suggests…( though trying to phase out LOL with great difficulty..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cheers, thanks for the kind words! I’ve managed to avoid using ‘LOL’, although the temptation is always there, especially when I’m trying to comment on my IPhone – giant fingers, tiny screen. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

      Like

    1. Happy to hear it, thanks for sharing! I was grateful to get that post out, but I’m back scratching my head again as time ticks down to this week’s post. Great site by the way, I’m a huge horror fan. Cheers!

      Like

  3. When I interned for the late, great, Tom Snyder back in the 90’s, Steven was in the offices. I ran into him in the break room where we were both getting Calistogas. He was very polite & we exchanged a few pleasantries. My fav routine of his is the light switch & the little old lady in Germany. It always slays me. Actually, Mike with the way you appreciate comedy, you might be on to something with The Deadpan Blogger. It is worth a whirl!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so cool Susan! You’re probably one degree from a lot of celebrities. Kevin Bacon?
      I’d forgotten about the light switch one, I think that’s my wife’s favourite also, I recall hearing her cackling from the bedroom one evening. She was watching Steven’s stand up.
      I do like the deadpan blogger angle, it’s something I contemplated as a potential ‘niche’ but set it aside for the time being. I’m throwing a few of my older posts onto social media every now again, it’s like fishing without any bait. But you never know, one can always snag a new follower! Cheers and thanks for the comments, always appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

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