Empty Bucket List

chumbucketWe’re all familiar with the phrase ‘kicking the bucket’, a euphemism, presumably derived during an era where staging one’s own demise was accomplished by standing on a bucket, securing a noose, and kicking away.  Goodbye cruel world.

And to the credit of modern society, we’ve managed to travel further down the morbid path of introspection by altering, for the sake of brevity and hapless wit, an already grim concept.

Bucket List.

The fact that this expression is so widely overused is in itself an irritant of significant proportions.  I can no longer acknowledge the term, nor can I feign the slightest bit of interest when the topic is broached.  Monotony, repetition, pie-in-the-sky generalities have combined to successfully dilute the concept into another bland cliché that’s lost all meaning and significance.

“That’s going on my bucket list.”

Fantastic, but I’m not interested.

Regardless if it’s paragliding in Costa Rica, retracing Frodo and Sam’s steps in New Zealand, Super Bowl tickets, or running with the bulls, it doesn’t matter.  We all have our passions, dreams, unfulfilled desires, it’s a natural part of the human experience.  Our time on earth is finite.  Bucket Lists, especially the over-the-top, borderline psychotic ones, are unnecessary.  Accomplish your goals now and move forward.  Don’t speak of ‘one day’, no one wants to hear about ‘one day’, one day never comes.  The future is a question mark.  We can hope, predict, pray, but in the end, fate wins.

I urge all closet-adventurers, before considering enlightening others with your wonderful aspirations, pause a moment, take a deep breath, and, in the words of Doctor Evil;
.

doctor_evil_zip_it

Buckets aren’t for kicking.

Not anymore.

Buckets are a receptacle.

They carry life-giving water, occasionally fried chicken, and horse shit.

What’s in your bucket?

To commemorate my dislike for the colloquialism, and, just in case my subtle disdain did not shine through earlier, I provide you with my abbreviated Empty Bucket List.

Five things I do not want to experience, before I leave this planet.

Skydiving

Colonoscopy

Bungee Jumping

Wayne Newton in Vegas

Swimming in the Ganges River

 

Until next time,

 

51 thoughts on “Empty Bucket List

    1. I’ve experienced the root canal, not pleasant at all. I had to keep my list tight at 5 otherwise I still be drafting it at a couple of thousand words. Cheers Susan, thanks for the comments and FB shoutouts as always!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m pretty confident I know which one you’re referring to, and it doesn’t involve a trip to Vegas. I’ve narrowly avoided the one you speak of, but I know my time is running out.
      Cheers John, thanks for commenting as well as the shout outs, much appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. The Unbucket list, I like it! I sure more of have this rather then the other – I know I do. I agree too ever since that okay movie people jumped into the bucket and have yet to get there heads out of it. You tell em Mike!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rasma. I don’t actually hate the term, it just made for a better topic by choosing a side and letting the words spew. A little edginess never hurts (I think). Thanks for commenting, and no worries, typos are my life!

      Like

  2. I don’t see anything wrong with having a bucket list, just as long as the things you want to do on it aren’t impossible things. It’s funny, most of the things on my bucket list are little things like seeing certain bands live in concert. Like seeing Lordi live for instance was sitting at the top of my bucket list for 5 years until I finally saw them. I know it doesn’t seem as something worthy to go on a bucket list compared to say…traveling across Canada (I would like to do that someday before I die as well!) but I put it there because that band has a huge influence on me, I wouldn’t be who I am without them. Say, now I’m inspired to write a blog post….I’m not sure when but it will be about the things I’ve accomplished on my own bucket list so far.

    That being said, some things I definitely do NOT want to do EVER in my lifetime are:

    Cage-diving, vacation in Africa or some place where malaria risk is high, a Justin Bieber concert, and eating at a vegan restaurant (I am a proud omnivore since birth, I wouldn’t survive dining in a place like that!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought I’d already replied to you, but my response disappeared for some reason. I’ll try again.

      Oh come on Emily, you’re a fellow Canadian, you must have some deep seeded desire to see Justin in concert? Just kidding, our daughter dislikes him also. I don’t actually despise bucket lists, whatever works for a person is their choice. I do think people get fooled into thinking that there will always be time to do things in the future, and sadly, for some, the future just shows up one day, and it’s too late.
      Cheers, and thanks for commenting,

      Like

    1. Thank you! I think we all get caught up in making grand plans, dreaming of wealth or retirement, and end up missing the ‘moment’. I’m as guilty as the next person sometimes. Cheers, thanks for the visit and comment, as always!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you. I must actually draft my bucket list. Lol! I have not been tempted to do so as it sounds so ordinary with every Tom, Dick and Harry having this list. I have a list of things to do – call Vacation Club, do the Financial Statements, go to the Optometrist, do grocery shopping… 🙂 No bungee jumping for me either. Actually, I’ll take your “empty bucket [list] in its entirety! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Skydiving I’d go for. Bungee jumping? Eh, my back wouldn’t go for it. Colonoscopy? Not all it’s cracked up to be; I don’t recommend it. Wayne in Vegas or Ganges in India? Oy, hard to say which is more toxic. (OK, that was mean, wasn’t it?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know of which one you speak. I have narrowly avoided my first experience, but I know my time will come. I’m with you, no need to compile a list, just live life each day the best you can. Cheers!

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    1. I find I rely on lists more and more as I get older. I keep about a dozen in my phone at any one time. I’ve come across older lists I’d completely forgotten about and thought ‘who the hell wrote that in my phone?’ And yes, there are things I’ve since crossed off my big list, things like owning my own Pub. Just not that interested anymore. Cheers, thanks for commenting!

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  5. All of these things are quite manageable with the right people. We are looking for partners at Gastradamus. Come on by our blog and leave feedback and we would be more than happy to promote your blog. I’m still waiting on the next Austin Powers movie

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well said,, on a par with New Year Resolutions… I hear “My new year resolution is to give up junk food, join a gym” Blah Blah.
    What it really means is stop eating for one day and pay for a years gym membership for one day of use.
    Other people´s NYR´s are not only boring to hear about, we all know that person ain´t going to do it. Excuses will prevail within the first few days of January. End of.
    I look at it this way, if someone wants to improve their life then anytime is a good time. It´s not about a set date in the calendar, it´s about motivation.
    Sorry, got off topic, but the principle´s the same…!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was never one for NYR’s. And I agree, if people stopped making them, 80% of the Gyms and Fitness studios would close their doors within the first year. It’s akin to making a deal with God when things go terribly wrong, then reverting to the old ways once the storm passes.
      Not off topic at all, and I appreciate the visit & comment. Cheers and have a great weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I like the idea of a “bucket list” in the sense that there are things I would like to do eventually, no time line or end goal. Simply a list of things I am striving to accomplish one day at a time. Your “Five things I do not want to experience” made me laugh. It is a very different kind of list, fun and amusing. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I really liked your thoughtful, well-written post, and I get it, but I must admit I am guilty of having a “list” 🙂 I call mine a buttkick list, because I am determined to kick my second chance at life’s butt. I recently survived two rare, life-threatening diseases and I’ve emerged with a voracious appetite for doing things that make me feel ALIVE! I’ve done some pretty rad shit, but I’ve also learned how to knit 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We often take our health for granted, but without it, everything grinds to a halt. Great to hear you are challenging the limits! Also good to counterbalance the ‘extreme’ with some less stressful activities like knitting. Cheers, best of luck, and thanks for commenting!

      Like

  9. I hadn’t thought of the origins of the term “bucket list”, now I feel stupid. 😂 I never liked the idea either, mainly because I never bothered with making a proper list and associate it with my death. Other people planning their last years in terms of excitement leave me perplexed. I have some things I wish to experience someday, so I’d rather call it a “wish list”, it has a more remote feeling to it. This is not a race after all. And honestly, bucket lists with skydiving, bungee jumping and things like that make me yawn, are they really sure they want it? Maybe it’s just a fashion.

    Great and amusing post as always. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’ve never really had one, like you, there are things I’d like to do, some I’d wish I done when I was a bit younger, but nothing that would cause deep regret. It’s just important to squeeze some things in now, the future’s no guarantee. Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

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