So You’re Dead. Now What?

haunted mansion1

I’m going to Disney World!

As I write this blog, I’m seated on our patio in Florida, having just arrived after a 19 hour drive from Canada.  It’s March Break and we’re here for a week to relax, enjoy the sun and hit the Parks.

I also promised myself a blog update.

We’re Disney World regulars, and, as a middle-aged guy, I am not ashamed to say my favourite attraction/ride at Disney World has always been the Haunted Mansion.  In fact we have fast-passes reserved for tomorrow at 10:10 a.m.

I thought I was savvy when it came to Disney.  I’ve read books, researched, and know enough to debunk the whole cryogenic head rumor.

But I didn’t know this.

Park goers – occasionally – spread the cremated ashes of their loved ones, on the Haunted Mansion ride.

Yes, at both Disney World and Disneyland.

The Disney Corporation fields requests every year from mourners asking if they can spread ashes on Park property.  Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean, both in Magic Kingdom, are the most requested destinations.  And while the answer is always a legal ‘no’, a determined  Executor will not necessarily be deterred.  Options exist for the surviving family member of a Mouseketeer.

Surreptitious deposit.

Disney Staff have a code word for this scenario.  No, it’s not ‘clean up on isle four’.  The code phrase is ‘Hepa clean up’.

Hepa filters – not just for pet dander anymore.

There’s a term for the tactic – wildcat scattering –  the surreptitious  dumping of human remains in public or private places, sans permission.  While I understand the concept, I question the logic.

Sure, aunt Agnes loved all things Disney.  And spending an eternity listening to the Grim Grinning Ghosts, in the happiest place on earth, is a fitting tribute.   But – what if things change in 20 years?  Even Disney has to move with the times.  If Haunted Mansion becomes passé, or is no longer pulling in the crowds, what’s to say a major revamp isn’t in order?

Perhaps a ‘Bieber-Land’.   A ride dedicated to  all things Justin Bieber.  Not that I have anything against Justin, I’m a big supporter of great Canadian talent, but think of poor aunt Agnes’ soul, lost in all eternity, listening to JB’s ‘Sorry’.

Sorry Agnes.

urn

Tomorrow, when I’m in queue for Haunted Mansion, my senses will be ever vigilant.  While I don’t expect to spy an urn, people are too clever for that, anyone carrying a Starbucks grande, or heaven forbid, a venti,  and not drinking from it, is a prime suspect.

999 haunts, and Haunted Mansion welcomes one more.  I think we’re well over that now, thanks Mr. Disney.

If you’re contemplating your own surreptitious deposit at Disney World, think again.  Whether we’re planted six feet under, cremated or entombed, nothing is certain.

Eternity is not forever.

Until next time.

23 thoughts on “So You’re Dead. Now What?

  1. Oh my goodness — this post is hilarious. I was laughing out loud the whole time! I had no idea that people are spreading their loved one’s ashes around Disney. The more you know…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Haunted Mansion is also one of my favorites! I have to say that I hold a special place in my heart for Mickey’s Philharmagic. It was the very first ride I went on, reducing me to a puddle of tears. I can only imagine how someone would scatter ashes during THAT ride…”Oh, look! Bert is about to sneeze! Here come the ashes!”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kate, absolutely, Philharmagic is a sentimental favourite! And there’s no shortage of places in Disney to ‘spread the love’ (ashes I mean). I think I’d be good with a quarter urn at each Park, and maybe a sprinkle at Typhoon Lagoon. Thanks for the comment!

    Like

  4. Former DW Cast Member – when a Haunted Mansion (or any other attraction) CM sees ashes being spread, the attraction is cycled out and shut down while Custodial comes in & begins clean up.

    If ashes aren’t found until the end of the night (CMs close down the rides & walk the tracks/attration looking for lost & found) police & security must be summoned. clean up.

    To respond to this problem, special vacuums with HEPA filters are used. The filters capture the remains & small bone fragments.

    Spreading ashes at Disney is a guarantee your loved one ends up as a biohazard.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Yeah… you don’t want to dust in Florida…where there is no innocent dust and a lot of open windows and crematoriums… But hey, I remember in the 1970’s a newspaper article that said people were being asked to refrain from scattering ashes of loved ones over the Grand Canyon in Arizona because the wind currents were delivering them to one particular area of the canyon and changing the course of the Colorado River. Dead people are busy people, it would seem….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Children’s Guide to Ouija Boards | Solsbury Hill

  7. Reblogged this on Solsbury Hill and commented:

    Having just spent the past two days escaping a pending snow tsunami headed for my hometown, I just arrived in Central Florida for a week’s R and R. It seemed appropriate to re-blog my post from one year ago. Haunted Mansion, here we come!

    Like

  8. Oh wow! Really? I didn’t know this. You’ve captured this with perfect humor. 🙂 Imagine the person carrying the Starbucks “drink” is forgetful like me and forgets it’s not a drink. Lol! I am glad I don’t do anything scary so no Haunted Mansion in Disney for me. I did take a picture of it. Enjoy Florida!

    Liked by 1 person

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