Be it nuclear war, mega-virus, zombies, alien invasion, Rapture, what have you, I’ve acquired enough knowledge through books and film to realize surviving an apocalypse will not be without its challenges. Sufficed to say, as I’ve grown older, my affinity for leisure time, luxuries, and general self-indulgence, has taken precedence over sweat, toil and sacrifice.
Which could pose a problem, should a great thinning of the herd occur. Taking into account I’m not immediately thinned, of course. Otherwise there’s no problem.
In the post-apocalyptic world, aside from mass depravity, stench & decay, mutants and questionably fashioned foes, there will be few amenities, few indulgences, less ‘me time’.
Of this I am sure. Hollywood doesn’t lie.
However, instead of being a pessimist, instead of siding with the masses, I thought I’d turn the tables on pending oblivion, and look at the potential benefits. Life and survival are about preparedness, how we choose to perceive, how we internalize, how we react. Do we see only the dark, or is there a glint of something more?
Is the glass half empty or half full? Is the water safe, or radioactive?
After some thought, I concluded that an alternate approach was preferable. In that vein I compiled a short list of some of the things I will not miss in the apocalypse. Now I realize the specificities of society’s collapse will differ, dependent on various factors, however for argument’s sake, I’m adopting your standard, run-of-the-mill, world-class demise; collapsed electrical grid, mass destruction, suffering, chaos, leather bondage attire.
Here we go.
Things I will not miss in the apocalypse.
Calendars and day planners will become relics of a forgotten world. Sunday evenings will be enjoyable, once again.
Unless of course society evolves into a chapter from David Brin’s ‘The Postman’, in which case I can utilize the services of Kevin Costner and crew to keep my irresistible musings afloat.
Watching My Cholesterol and Blood Sugar
I trap a squirrel, I eat a squirrel. I find a box of Twinkies, I’m in, elbows deep.
While I empathize, I don’t want to be banished from Bartertown for eating a Snickers.
I’m okay wearing rags. Once a year, down by the river with a rock, is an acceptable laundering schedule.
While the great purge may eradicate a sizeable portion of questionable ‘friends’, I fear those left will still continue to fill my news feed with food photos of their meals (i.e. mystery can of celery soup).
Paying Income Tax
It’s inevitable a bartering system will evolve requiring a percentage of your homemade toilet paper or canned tree bark, but it should take a while.
Considering we’ll probably be shooting one another on site initially, I suspect this activity will diminish.
Fast and Furious Movies
Enough is enough.
80’s Bands Reunion Tours
Depeche Mode, ABBA, REO Speedwagon. This has to end. And while an apocalypse is a bit extreme, if that’s what it takes, so be it.
And there you have it.
Any thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time,